LauriesGliderGazette

Chinchillagrl06 · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:22 am Post subject: Long Ranty Venting...

Am I just being selfish? The guy she's with isn't mean, but he has issues. He is super controlling, she can't even use the computer at her house. Neutral

She only calls when he isn't around, because when he is he sits right next to her so that he can hear what she's saying. She is always telling us how unhappy she is. There are a ton of little things too. My Mom needs tires on her car so badly the threads are showing. I sent her $200 towards new ones right before Christmas. Just last weekend she called and told my Grandma that Terri (her "fiance") won $300 at the casino. I asked if that meant she was getting her tires (she didn't), my grandma asked if she won anything, she says, no because I didn't have any money, Terri only had money, so I just watched him play. WTF! Who does that? From what she says it seems like she is the maid and the cook, oh and the babysitter for his son on the weekends. It's ridiculous. She wont stand up for herself either.
I want her here for Sophia, and also because it would be a good opportunity for both of us. I am living at my Grandma's house right now, but she is going to be moving. I can't afford to take over that morgage on my own, so I need my mom to come down to split the rent with me. So now I'm not getting a house either. I'm having a baby in less that 2 months and I don't have a house. My grandma's new place isn't finished yet, so it's not like I'm being thrown out, but now I have to try to find an apartment. I can't even find a decent place for under $1000 and that is only a 1 bdrm. Sad

It sucks, because I don't know when I'll ever have another chance to have a house. I love that house, I grew up there.

Anywhoo... here's an part of my blog.

I have a blog, just for me, but my mom found me on there and so I wrote about my Christmas. I'm in Blue her response is the red:

The only bad news is that my mother went and got herself engaged. Neutral

Her "fiance" is a moron and she needs to take her donkeybutt home to her family. (I KNOW YOU CAN SEE THIS MOTHER) So yea, I'm pretty piddled at her and I am not saying congratulations and I'm sure as hell not going to a wedding, so Mom, you better go to Reno and elope if your planning to marry that controlling jackass. (Maybe I should really say how I feel, huh?) And though the ring is very pretty, it isn't big enough for a forgive all, forget all pass.

Sorry to have messed up your wonderful Christmas day.

It's not that you messed up my Christmas. It's that you are agreeing to marry someone that doesn't make you happy. First your thinking about leaving him, next news your marrying him. Nothing is any different expect now you have a diamond on your finger. You haven't talked to him about anything, THAT is why I'm mad. You don't have this wonderful relationship and you know it. If you were at least going to stand up for yourself and attempt to make changes so that you can have a good relationship (you know, one where you are allowed to do stuff without him hovered over you), but you'll never do that.
It's pretty hard to say congratulations when your already miserable and now you want to lock yourself into it.

And this is from Her blog on the same site:

I'm really sad. I knew nobody would be happy for news that Terry asked me to marry him. But I never thought to encounter such hostility either. Sarah, you say I've not even spoken to Terry about his issues but you are wrong. He knows very well how close we have been to calling it quit, and we have talked. He's not perfect but nothing in life is. I'm almost 50 I want to settle down for once. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to alienate my family. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry...
...but I am not going to lie to you and tell you that I think it's fine. I think your making a HUGE mistake. Getting married doesn't fix anything. He may know about some of the issues, but nothing has changed. Getting married doesn't mean anything. It's nice, but it's a legal formality nothing more. If your not happy with your relationship, your not going to be happy with your marriage. You do this over and over. It's always the same thing. You pick the same guy again and again. This one is no better than any of the others. Me and Rachel always get whats left over, we never get all of you.
I'm not just mad about that. I want you to be happy, but you aren't. I'm sad because I want you here and your not coming. Sophia isn't even going to know who you are, and that really makes me sad. I wanted her to know her Grandma and she's not going to get the chance to. I'm lucky if I see you once a year, and I usually don't. I don't want her to recognize you only because you look like Darlene.
I don't even know what to say to you.

So yea. I'm in such a crappy mood today. I don't even know. I'm so angry with her, but I'm mostly just sad.
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Sarah

Usha77 · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:31 am Post subject:

*hugs* I'm sorry, Sarah.
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Chinchillagrl06 · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:41 am Post subject:

Thanks for the hugs I need them today. It really doesn't help having the pregnancy hormones raging. I probably look like a crazy woman crying at my desk.
She just doesn't get it. My family here is all really upset.
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Sarah

tootles · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:47 am Post subject:

Unfortunalty they have to find out for themselves that the person they are with is all wrong for them. They promise them the world behind closed dores and they believe them. My mom married someone when I was 24 well he was 24 too. We told her not to do it she did it anyways. She is still with him but miserable every day. Hugs I hope you can get through this but at least she knows how you feel.
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mel2mdl · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 12:07 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry to hear about your family issues

But - you have to remember, you can only control your feelings and yourself. Your mom will have to make her own mistakes and deal with her issues.

It is okay to go to the wedding and be happy for her, even when you know she is making a huge mistake and you are faking it like crazy. It's her mistake and there is nothing you can do to fix it. Crying or Very sad

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Suggiemom · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 12:52 pm Post subject:

Wow Sarah, I'm so sorry you have to think about all of that on top of worrying about a place to live AND having a baby. One thing I've noticed in my own life though, no matter how bad things seem at the time, it usually works out for the best in the end even if I can't see that at first.
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Chinchillagrl06 · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 1:25 pm Post subject:

It just really sucks. I know she doesn't mean to hurt us, but she puts my sister and I second all the time.
I feel bad for making her sad. I never say anything to her about how she is, so it was probably quite a shock to her.
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Sarah

Suggiemom · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 1:57 pm Post subject:

Sometimes that's the only way for them to hear what needs to be said. Because you don't always nag her about it, she may really think about it knowing that it's not something you would say lightly.
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JenJen · Glider Guru Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 556

Sarah, I'm sorry you're going through this. It actually makes me cry *hug* because it is sooo similar to my situation. Except that my mom dated someone that my older brother and I HATED for I think like...13 years? And they have a son together. My younger brother (my half brother) I didn't hate him for how he treated my mom, which was pretty good mostly...but I hated him because what he did to me. Not only that, but he always treated my younger brother 10 times better than me. Anyway after I wrote my mom a long letter about the reason I hated him so much...well she kicked him out (I won't go into detail because I don't want to take over your post, sorry for even talking about myself, i know this is about you) And after that we've had a really great relationship. It's been 5 years now.
Though I won't forget the heart ache and break that I went through because she decided to turn a blind eye...I am so glad that she chose me and her family over him in the end. She is now the happiest I have ever seen her with a man that is sooo good to her, and such a nice guy..and he's funny too. Our whole family loves him. And that makes a huge difference.
I am sorry that your mom can't see that...I am hoping that she does though because I think everyone needs their mother. Sometimes it takes years for some women to open their eyes and realize that there could be so much better for them out there. I never understood why some women do that to themselves. I do hope and pray that she comes around. Not only does she deserve to be treated the best ever, but you deserve to have a happy mother to be around and that will be there for you and your own family.

About your house situation, can your boyfriend move in with you and split the rent? Maybe a friend??
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Jen

Chinchillagrl06 · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 4:23 pm Post subject:

Thanks for your post Jen. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has dealt with this.

For the house, we already live together and even with our combined income we wouldn't be able to afford the house payment and the basic utilities along with daycare for Sophia when I have to go back to work and baby expenses. We're also trying to trade in our car for a family car. We have an eclipse right now and it's not baby friendly at all. It looks like it's going to add $100 to our payment. Sad

I wish the cost of living was lower around here.
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Sarah

JenJen · Glider Guru Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 556

You're welcome Sarah. I'm glad you can appreciate that. I am sure so many others didn't have great experiences with their mothers either..you definitely aren't the only one, believe me.

You said there's a mortgage...maybe you can call the bank that holds the loan for the house and ask if you can refinance to get a lower interest rate..then you'd have a lower mortgage.(right?? lol I think thats how it works)
How come your grandma wants to move? (if you dont mind me asking) and would there be enough space to get a room mate to pay rent? I know that would help out with the mortgage payment... Where do you live that it costs so much to rent out a 1 bedroom? Sheesh! lol. I mean It's not that cheap here, but $1,000 is a LOT for 1 bedroom. (are we talking house or apartment, though?)
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Jen

Chinchillagrl06 · Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 6:37 pm Post subject:

My grandma is moving because she's getting older, and doesn't want to keep up with the house and yard (we have a huge backyard) anymore. They are building on a small apartment house for her at my uncles.

I am going to be filing for bankruptcy... there is no way anyone in their right mind would give me a loan!
I don't know anyone I would be able to have as a roommate that I think my grandma would be okay with. She was kind of doing it for my Mom to come out here. She's strange. IDK. I live in that special sunny state on the west coast. Wink

It's extremely expensive to live here.
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Sarah

JenJen · Glider Guru Joined: 27 Nov 2007 Posts: 556

lol special sunny state. K, gotcha!!
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Jen